I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!! almost every time i pass the sign i honk in memory of you =)

This is a big step for me, because I haven’t written to you here. I think about you so often though. There is a song that always makes me think of you. I’m sure other people have heard it as well but it’s called ‘From Where You Are’ by Lifehouse. Here’s the link for all, 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRB9vI99XgY

Some of the lyrics are, 

So far away from where you are 
These miles have torn us worlds apart 
And I miss you 
Yeah, I miss you 
So far away from where you are 
Standing underneath the stars 
And I wish you were here 

I miss the years that were erased 
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face 
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me 
Yeah, I miss you 
And I wish you were here 

This is just so true. I miss you so much and truly do think of you very often. The months after you’re passing on to be with Jesus, Jason, Daryn and I were lucky to have each other. We hung out every day, thinking, praying, and crying together for two months straight. We just kind of had a promise to be there for each other if needed. I have other memories to share but here is this.

One day, Jason was driving with me to church and when we parked in the parking lot, I handed him a two page letter stained with tears. It was something I wrote to you that had memories of all of us, daryn, you, jason, heather, rachel and i. But one in particular, brought tears down both jason’s face and my own.. I turned to him as I heard him read, “…. Remember the weekend before Jason’s birthday? You and I were working the crash bar, just waiting for Jason to come to a church service. Haha, I remember you had me text him to find out when he was coming because you were so impatient. You  had got him, or shall I say, made him, the best present he’s ever received. Finally, after what seemed like hours upon hours of waiting, Jason happily walked through those doors and greeted us. and out you walked behind the crash bar with his present.! He opened up the box, as you stand in front of him smiling from ear to ear, and he sees ALL kelly clarkson! EVERYTHING he had wanted, you gave him in the coolest way. In no way was that corny. He kept that in his truck for a long time. It was so cool to be there in the foyer with you guys as he got that from you…”  I had to write out what I was feeling, including the grief and guilt I blamed myself for. There were some good memories. And it was this memory that I wrote out, that Jason had a hard time reading for himself. It was so cute the crush you had on him but more importantly, the friendship you two shared will always forever be in his heart. 

I don’t have a whole ton of memories with you like Daryn, Jason and Rachel do.  Its so completely my fault because I didn’t let you ‘in’ I wasn’t there for you in all things, and its my fault. It’s just something for me to work through and honestly, this time I’m trying to. I really don’t do well at processing issues and working through them but I’m doing it this time. 

I just know that I adore you, admire you, look up to you and love you. I’m friends with your sister, Sarah. We have a special heart/sister bond that I will not take for granted and be forever grateful for. 

Love you Jessie sweetie.

I just wanted to say im definitley thinkin of you!!:) I miss you everyday!! I know your havin a blast in heaven!

Put in a good word for me!! Your something special, God will listen;)

Jessi

Jessica,

it is so hard to write this, for so long i tried to pretend that this never happened.  i should have stayed closer, i regret that when i saw you last i didn’t talk to you much… too busy with my own thoughts…

some of my greatest memories are when i would come back from college in Portland and the first thing i would do is visit you.  sometimes you were so happy and others you were so, well, pissed.  mostly at my cousin…he had your heart. 

i drive by the new sign every day… i can’t help but cry or smile or laugh out loud when i remember some of the funny things you did…  you were the one who taught me how to do my makeup.  you sat next to me in choir and made funny jokes with me…james, need i say more. 

jess, i miss you dearly

love, Bethany

Yesterday the “don’t drink and drive” sign was unveiled.  At the bottom was yours and Krissy’s name and it was so surreal.  I signed the back of it but  I just don’t know how I feel about the sign.  I feel confused sometimes when I think of the day you left us.  You are with our loving God and I am so envious.  I wonder if you can see us.  What’s it like baby girl?  No day can go by without a thought of you in it.  I yearn for your hugs and hearing your laugh.

soooo much!! its not even funny!

i cant help but be selfish and want you back!

there is so much i would tell you

Happy birthday sweetie!  One year ago exactly we were out painting the town in your honor!  It was a night I’ll remember forever!!!

Hey all,

I realize that this site has somewhat fallen off the radar lately I’m sorry for that. Rob has asked me to get the announcement out for a dinner at the Heathman Lodge in Vancouver, next to the mall, on February 22nd. Its going to be an awesome night and I personally am planning to go. I know of at least 5 other people. We want to sell out guys, get everyone you know. All the proceeds of this evening of fun goes into a scholarship fund that will help local youth in many, many ways. Lets do it for Jess and Krissy!

Cheers all.

Here’s some more info on the night. Print these and hand them out! jessicascholarhip.pdf

It’s been nearly a year, and I haven’t really written anything to you online. Your family has been in my prayers every night for some time now, and I think of you often. You were such a good and loyal friend to my beloved Krissy, and I am so glad that over the time the three of us spent time together we became friends too. I remember vividly all the good and bad times, from spending time together at my place and playing board games, to going with the Shaddix’s to the car show last year, to my last birthday when you came fashionably late at The Old Spaghetti Factory.

But the other reason I wanted to write was because you were in my dream last night. I had never seen you in my dreams before, until last night. I’m not sure what the purpose was, other than the obvious which is to let me know you are around as well, but it was so good to see you! The dream was that I was living in some two-story house I couldn’t recognize, and there came a knock at the door. I answered it and it was you and you were beautiful as ever. Apparently you came over because we had planned a night to get together to play board games or something. You seemed so happy, so vibrant, and it was weird because I felt like everything was normal. We were about to play something, but I had to go upstairs for something, and all through the night, I had one excuse after another for excusing myself to go upstairs to do something or find something, whatever. Unfortunatly, we never got to play any games, but you seemed understanding and still very happy as you left the house.

Still not sure what it all meant, but again when I woke up and remembered the dream, it was a nice surprise. Thank you for visiting me and letting me know you really are with us. You and Krissy take care of each other and keep smiling upon us.

 ~Charlie

Mom and Dad i do not mean to dissapoint or anger you in anyway, but this is just how I feel. I love you.

Dear Jessica,            You haven’t been off my mind for more than a few seconds in a day lately. I have come to realize that I need you more than I thought. In English we were talking about the one person you could go to for everything, and I noticed, that was you. Now that you’re gone I have no one. Mom and dad don’t understand me, and think I need help, the worse part is, if they didn’t see my myspace, they wouldn’t have even noticed how sad I have been lately. They have always just been concerned about Sarah, leaving me in the dark. I feel that it is too late. I can’t tell them how I honestly feel. It was you that I told everything too. My emotions have changed with the weather, and the closer it gets to Christmas, the harder it is for me. You know that it’s my favorite time of year, but I can’t imagine spending it without you.
Hawaii won’t be the same without you on my 16^th birthday, but if you can, in any way, please come to me and sing me happy birthday like you always have. And please, Jessica, please hold my hand when I get my tattoo. I don’t know how I’m going to get it done without you there. I’m getting your dream tattoo, the one you always wanted, In memory of you. Daddy told me in heaven, time does not exist. That would mean that all of us are with you right now. It’s very hard for me to soak in and grasp because I don’t feel like I’m with you at all, and if that were true, you wouldn’t even read this letter, or hear my cries. So writing this would be pointless… But I hope to God that my dad is wrong and you hear me jess, because you, you are the only one I can truly talk to besides God. It has been so long, yet it feels like yesterday. People say that they have dreamed of you, and have seen you in their dreams. I consider that a privilege, one that I have not yet gotten. I wish I could just see you, hear you, laugh with you, cry with you, and hold you one more time, but I can’t. I have become so cold inside Jake. It’s like all the warmth and joy left with you and went to a better place. Dang, if I had the choice I would get out of here too. Despite all the beauty and love in the world there is so much hatred, darkness, and depression. I think most of us are blinded by it. I bet heaven is breath taking. I try to hide my pain inside from everyone. It always seems like they don’t care, so I save my breath, and don’t waste a word. I think I have gotten so used to it that I barely speak at all and hide it all away behind a mask a constantly ware. If they only knew what I was truly like, and how I really feel. But they don’t care. I live in a world where everyone is so self centered, what was I thinking??? I went to our cousin Nick’s wedding last month, and the only thing I could think of was, what will I do without you? So many times I think about dying and seeing you waiting for me at the gates with open arms and Jesus by your side holding me tightly. I cannot wait for that moment, although, I am not one to commit suicide. What will that do for me? I wouldn’t see you anyways… and then I would suffer even more in hell. No, I will wait for my dying day, no matter how far it is away or how close it may be, I will die when God says it is time for me to come home and I will willingly leave this earth. It’s just so hard jess, living in a world without you in it. It feels so unbalanced and no were near the same. I wish I could have said goodbye, and actually talked to you that night. I want to take back falling asleep in your car. I remember you saying “Fine don’t talk to me” in a jokingly manner and I simply just said “I’m tired leave me alone.” If I would have just known jess, I would take every second back and tell you everything. Its killing me slowly knowing that you didn’t want to go that night, if only you waited till the next day or night, you would still be here, and I wouldn’t be such a mess. If only I didn’t let you leave! You looked so pretty that night, I will never forget, and I am however thankful I got to spend time with you that night before you left to get Krissy. I will never forget you two, no matter what. I hope I never disappointed you. If you saw me now you would probably be disappointed, and I’m sorry for that. I quit volleyball jess, it was hard for me to do it, but I had to. I love you so much! I wish you never had to leave. Why so soon? I will never understand… You are the air that I breathe and without you, I’m suffocating. 

I never had the chance to say goodbye, so here it is: 

This may sound cliché, but I love you with all my heart and words could not describe how much you meant to me. You are my strength, my weakness, my light, my darkness, my mother, my sister, my best friend, my life. Always and forever, Goodbye Jessica Hannah Blanck. 

I will forever carry on your legacy. 

Infinite x’s and o’sYour little sister “BOO-BOO-KACHOO”  

P.S. If You read this, please learn from this. You NEVER EVER think something like this will happen to you, but when you least expect it, it will, and it will slowly kill you, as it has already begun to do to me. I have seen and heard so many deaths related to drugs/alcohol in my life, I hope to never hear or encounter one again, so please, be responsible and mature. DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE 

Thank you.