Mom and Dad i do not mean to dissapoint or anger you in anyway, but this is just how I feel. I love you.
Dear Jessica, You haven’t been off my mind for more than a few seconds in a day lately. I have come to realize that I need you more than I thought. In English we were talking about the one person you could go to for everything, and I noticed, that was you. Now that you’re gone I have no one. Mom and dad don’t understand me, and think I need help, the worse part is, if they didn’t see my myspace, they wouldn’t have even noticed how sad I have been lately. They have always just been concerned about Sarah, leaving me in the dark. I feel that it is too late. I can’t tell them how I honestly feel. It was you that I told everything too. My emotions have changed with the weather, and the closer it gets to Christmas, the harder it is for me. You know that it’s my favorite time of year, but I can’t imagine spending it without you.
Hawaii won’t be the same without you on my 16th birthday, but if you can, in any way, please come to me and sing me happy birthday like you always have. And please, Jessica, please hold my hand when I get my tattoo. I don’t know how I’m going to get it done without you there. I’m getting your dream tattoo, the one you always wanted, In memory of you. Daddy told me in heaven, time does not exist. That would mean that all of us are with you right now. It’s very hard for me to soak in and grasp because I don’t feel like I’m with you at all, and if that were true, you wouldn’t even read this letter, or hear my cries. So writing this would be pointless… But I hope to God that my dad is wrong and you hear me jess, because you, you are the only one I can truly talk to besides God. It has been so long, yet it feels like yesterday. People say that they have dreamed of you, and have seen you in their dreams. I consider that a privilege, one that I have not yet gotten. I wish I could just see you, hear you, laugh with you, cry with you, and hold you one more time, but I can’t. I have become so cold inside Jake. It’s like all the warmth and joy left with you and went to a better place. Dang, if I had the choice I would get out of here too. Despite all the beauty and love in the world there is so much hatred, darkness, and depression. I think most of us are blinded by it. I bet heaven is breath taking. I try to hide my pain inside from everyone. It always seems like they don’t care, so I save my breath, and don’t waste a word. I think I have gotten so used to it that I barely speak at all and hide it all away behind a mask a constantly ware. If they only knew what I was truly like, and how I really feel. But they don’t care. I live in a world where everyone is so self centered, what was I thinking??? I went to our cousin Nick’s wedding last month, and the only thing I could think of was, what will I do without you? So many times I think about dying and seeing you waiting for me at the gates with open arms and Jesus by your side holding me tightly. I cannot wait for that moment, although, I am not one to commit suicide. What will that do for me? I wouldn’t see you anyways… and then I would suffer even more in hell. No, I will wait for my dying day, no matter how far it is away or how close it may be, I will die when God says it is time for me to come home and I will willingly leave this earth. It’s just so hard jess, living in a world without you in it. It feels so unbalanced and no were near the same. I wish I could have said goodbye, and actually talked to you that night. I want to take back falling asleep in your car. I remember you saying “Fine don’t talk to me” in a jokingly manner and I simply just said “I’m tired leave me alone.” If I would have just known jess, I would take every second back and tell you everything. Its killing me slowly knowing that you didn’t want to go that night, if only you waited till the next day or night, you would still be here, and I wouldn’t be such a mess. If only I didn’t let you leave! You looked so pretty that night, I will never forget, and I am however thankful I got to spend time with you that night before you left to get Krissy. I will never forget you two, no matter what. I hope I never disappointed you. If you saw me now you would probably be disappointed, and I’m sorry for that. I quit volleyball jess, it was hard for me to do it, but I had to. I love you so much! I wish you never had to leave. Why so soon? I will never understand… You are the air that I breathe and without you, I’m suffocating.
I never had the chance to say goodbye, so here it is:
This may sound cliché, but I love you with all my heart and words could not describe how much you meant to me. You are my strength, my weakness, my light, my darkness, my mother, my sister, my best friend, my life. Always and forever, Goodbye Jessica Hannah Blanck.
I will forever carry on your legacy.
Infinite x’s and o’sYour little sister “BOO-BOO-KACHOO”
P.S. If You read this, please learn from this. You NEVER EVER think something like this will happen to you, but when you least expect it, it will, and it will slowly kill you, as it has already begun to do to me. I have seen and heard so many deaths related to drugs/alcohol in my life, I hope to never hear or encounter one again, so please, be responsible and mature. DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE
Thank you.