This is a big step for me, because I haven’t written to you here. I think about you so often though. There is a song that always makes me think of you. I’m sure other people have heard it as well but it’s called ‘From Where You Are’ by Lifehouse. Here’s the link for all, 

Some of the lyrics are, 

So far away from where you are 
These miles have torn us worlds apart 
And I miss you 
Yeah, I miss you 
So far away from where you are 
Standing underneath the stars 
And I wish you were here 

I miss the years that were erased 
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face 
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me 
Yeah, I miss you 
And I wish you were here 

This is just so true. I miss you so much and truly do think of you very often. The months after you’re passing on to be with Jesus, Jason, Daryn and I were lucky to have each other. We hung out every day, thinking, praying, and crying together for two months straight. We just kind of had a promise to be there for each other if needed. I have other memories to share but here is this.

One day, Jason was driving with me to church and when we parked in the parking lot, I handed him a two page letter stained with tears. It was something I wrote to you that had memories of all of us, daryn, you, jason, heather, rachel and i. But one in particular, brought tears down both jason’s face and my own.. I turned to him as I heard him read, “…. Remember the weekend before Jason’s birthday? You and I were working the crash bar, just waiting for Jason to come to a church service. Haha, I remember you had me text him to find out when he was coming because you were so impatient. You  had got him, or shall I say, made him, the best present he’s ever received. Finally, after what seemed like hours upon hours of waiting, Jason happily walked through those doors and greeted us. and out you walked behind the crash bar with his present.! He opened up the box, as you stand in front of him smiling from ear to ear, and he sees ALL kelly clarkson! EVERYTHING he had wanted, you gave him in the coolest way. In no way was that corny. He kept that in his truck for a long time. It was so cool to be there in the foyer with you guys as he got that from you…”  I had to write out what I was feeling, including the grief and guilt I blamed myself for. There were some good memories. And it was this memory that I wrote out, that Jason had a hard time reading for himself. It was so cute the crush you had on him but more importantly, the friendship you two shared will always forever be in his heart. 

I don’t have a whole ton of memories with you like Daryn, Jason and Rachel do.  Its so completely my fault because I didn’t let you ‘in’ I wasn’t there for you in all things, and its my fault. It’s just something for me to work through and honestly, this time I’m trying to. I really don’t do well at processing issues and working through them but I’m doing it this time. 

I just know that I adore you, admire you, look up to you and love you. I’m friends with your sister, Sarah. We have a special heart/sister bond that I will not take for granted and be forever grateful for. 

Love you Jessie sweetie.